dareeallen

Building Up Boys and Men of Color with Brandon Frame

In This Episode…

  • Supporting Black boys in our community
  • How women can help build men up

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

The Black Man Can, Inc. is an oasis of resources for both African American and global communities. In just 7 years the organization has gained an international following and endeavors to change and promote a positive narrative of black lives. Comprised of a network of over 200 MENtors to uplift, educate, and inspire young men of color, they have impacted 3,500 young men and counting.

Mental health is important. If you want to support your man, know that it’s ok to pray and see a therapist at the same time.

 

What You Can Do

(Photo: Jared Ryder / BET)

Encourage the man in your life. Let him know that he doesn’t have to be perfect; he just has to commit to getting better, and become consistent.

Encourage the good, no matter how small. Two big things that drive men are ego and pride. Think of how you can best address a man that allows his ego and pride to operate from a place of love, and not from selfishness.
Be sure that you are not neglecting roles in your family structure.  For example, if you’re a good mother and attentive to your children, don’t forget to be a good wife, and be attentive to your husband, too. You don’t want to neglect your partner for the sake of your children or vice versa.
Communication works when you are able to vulnerable and comfortable enough to let your partner know what you need from them.

 

Connect with My Guest

Brandon Frame, Founder and CVO at The Black Man Can Institute, Social Innovator
Website  – Celebrating, educating and inspiring boys and men of color. Help The Black Man Can Institute reach their fundraising goal: 5,000 donations of $25, which will give 5,000 boys access to their mentoring programs. 100% of the proceeds go directly into funding their programs and initiatives.
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
YouTube

Links and Resources

Define Yourself, Redefine the World: A Guided Journal for Boys and Men of Color by Brandon Frame

He-Motions by T.D. Jakes

 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
  2. Tweet me @DareeAllen quoting #KickinitwithDaree
  3. Email Kickinit [at] DareeAllen [dot] com

KIWD Patreon Page

 

Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts.

You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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What Women REALLY Need to Know About Loving Men and Raising Boys with Dr. Joe Martin

In This Episode…

  • Real Men Connect (2:45)
  • Dr. Joe’s story and definition of a real man vs. a male (5:45)
  • Why males fail to mature and the challenges they face (12:14)
  • What it takes to be real man (18:48)
  • What women really need to know about the men they’re in relationships with (26:25)
  • What single moms should do when they are raising boys (36:57)

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

When a male is born, it’s only when they have the tools to succeed in life can they be called real men.
“No good man can become a great man without the help of a GODLY man.” – Dr. Joe Martin
One of the biggest challenges males face is that they don’t know what we’re doing. They are ignorant because they don’t know what they don’t know!  It’s assumed they should know how to love women, meet their needs, to take care of our families and lead them, but if they don’t have the blueprint, then they make up things as we go along.
Where and from whom a man gets advice and encouragement is more important than his good looks, his income, or educational accomplishments.
Another issue is pride; males don’t know how to ask a man for help.  Then there’s apathy– when males get so frustrated that they give up and say “I don’t care anymore.”
Males also have a lack of commitment. They will start something and not finish it.
Males struggle with priority.
A real man:
  • Leads his family spiritually.
  • Loves and serves others sacrificially.
  • Leaves a legacy of faith for future generations.
  • Teach other men how to do all of the above.
A woman can encourage a man, but only a man can affirm another man.
Things women need to know about the men they love:
  • Their self-worth and identity comes from their ability to provide for you. If they can’t, they will act out.
  • They need to know and believe that they can satisfy and make you happy in all areas, not just sexually. He needs to know that he’s good enough for you. If he doesn’t feel that he’s pleasing you, he is susceptible to wandering elsewhere to someone who boosts his ego–even she is not as attractive as you.
  • They need to know that they can be vulnerable around you without seeming weak, and without you losing respect for him. A woman can a safe place for him to fall, because his pride and ego say that to another man he might seem weak to share his feelings.
  • A man is only as strong as the stronger men he has in his life.  You can’t count on a man who doesn’t have accountability.  Make sure you meet the men he is accountable to, so you know who is influencing him.  If he doesn’t have accountability from a strong man, don’t compromise–he is not ready for you.

What You Can Do

When you’re dating a man, you should ask yourself where he got his values from, and who he is listening to and learning from. Did he have a strong father or father figure in his life to mentor him? Who does he talk to when he needs advice or encouragement?
Never say to a man, “Be a man,” “act like a man,” or man up,” because that will emasculate him.
If you are the single mother with a son, recruit a man for your son to be his mentor from your community– it could be in your neighborhood or in your church for example.  Observe men as they are with their families, and observe how his children and wife respond to him.  Do his children respect him? Does his wife treat him with love and care? If so, he might be a candidate. He can fake success at work if he wants to, but he can’t fake success with his own family.
Ladies, have good expectations of men. If you give him a crown, he’ll act like a king.  If he sees what he can be, then he’ll live up to what he should be.
Gentlemen, if you want to become a good man, then humble yourself and ask for help. It’s not your fault if you weren’t taught, but once you know better, you should do better.

 

Connect with My Guest

Joe Martin, Ed.D., Founder & Creator, Real Men Connect
Website
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram

 

Links and Resources

Dr. Joe’s Resources

Schedule a FREE Breakthrough Call with Dr. Joe!

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
  2. Tweet me @DareeAllen quoting #KickinitwithDaree
  3. Email Kickinit [at] DareeAllen [dot] com

KIWD Patreon Page

 

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You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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This is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are with Melody Warnick

In This Episode…

  • Place attachment (3:40 and 12:50)
  • There is no geographic cure (4:58)
  • Being rooted, feeling stuck, or being mobile (10:56)
  • Why Americans are less neighborly these days, and how to change that (14:45)
  • How the ‘1-Mile Solution’ can help you get connected in your community (24:30)
  • The top 3 factors that are most influential in creating place attachment (27:55)

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

People with place attachment, have friends, know their neighbors, and volunteer are happier and feel more rooted in their communities.  They also tend to live longer.
Americans are not as neighborly as they were in decades past. Almost a third of Americans don’t know any of their neighbors by name, and yet many studies show the value of neighborhood relationships, including the fact that when you are friends with your neighbors, you’re 67% less likely to have a heart attack and 48% less likely to have a stroke.
According to the Knight Soul of the Community study, the three factors that are most influential in creating place attachment are social offerings, aesthetics, and openness (friendly, welcoming and inclusive).  The higher the level of place attachment in a town, the better the town’s economy.  This is how our towns can tell if we love them!

 

What You Can Do

To meet your neighbors, you don’t have to bring over dessert if that’s not your thing. You can just do things in the front of your home that will allow you to be seen and accessible to have interactions with them.

Try the ‘1-Mile Solution’ by replacing one car trip per week with a biking or walking errand instead, and you will see so many things that you normally don’t observe when driving or riding in a car. It can help connect you to the area where you live or work.

 

Connect with My Guest

Melody Warnick, Freelance Journalist, Author, Speaker
Website
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram

 

Links and Resources

This is Where You Belong” is available in paperback beginning July 4, 2017!

 

National Good Neighbor Day

 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
  2. Tweet me @DareeAllen quoting #KickinitwithDaree
  3. Email Kickinit [at] DareeAllen [dot] com

KIWD Patreon Page

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You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

 

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Be Your Own Best Friend with Dr. Kristina Hallett

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on your favorite player – Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

Reciting your failures and re-hashing your mistakes over and over again will not help you feel better or improve.
When you quickly, repeatedly downplay or brush off compliments from others, they can see that as being offensive.
Failure is always a success if you took an action to try something– you made an effort, and you probably learned something from it.
Celebrate little successes–even the simple things that you have accomplished–each day.
You are responsible for your own thoughts, feeling and actions, and we’re not responsible for anyone else’s. (27:11)
 
Happiness is a choice. (30:12)
You are fabulous all on your own, whether you have a significant other or not. That person can add to your “fabulosity,” but you by yourself are still amazing. Accept yourself.
The 8-step EMPOWERS process:
  • Enhance your energy (15:09)
  • Make extra time
  • Practice perspective (24:39) [Daree’s favorite part!]
  • Own your best self
  • Wake up your inner badass (33:20) [Kristina’s fave!]
  • Envision your inner purpose
  • Release the blocks and go for it
  • Shine your light brightly (45:26)

What You Can Do

Learn to let go of self-doubt and negative internal messages.
Ask for help when you need it. Say no if you need time to rest.
Take the “meta view” to shift your perspective and get more objectivity about your circumstances.
Don’t assume what others are thinking and feeling, or that they are out to get you and do something wrong to you. (27:30)
Learn to appreciate yourself as being perfectly imperfect.

 

Connect with My Guest

Dr. Kristina Hallett, Psychologist, Professor, Life Coach, Author
Website
Twitter
Instagram
Facebook
Linkedin

Links and Resources

Own Best Friend book info

Own Best Friend: Eight Steps to a Life of Purpose, Passion, and Ease by Dr. Kristina Hallett – BUY it here

 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
  2. Tweet me @DareeAllen quoting #KickinitwithDaree
  3. Email Kickinit [at] DareeAllen [dot] com

KIWD Patreon Page

 

The graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts.

You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below.  These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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Start Small to Live Big with Betsy Pake

 

In This Episode…

  • The secret to motivation and accomplishing goals
  • Identifying what you want in your life
  • Making a simple plan for change with great results
  • A simple, unique way to break habits and create new ones

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

Starting a goal in small steps can help lower the resistance that keeps us from getting started and building momentum.
Action creates motivation.  Once you start doing something, you create the momentum to keep going.
When something is out of alignment in our lives, it makes us notice and reflect on what we might like to, or need to change.
Anything you are trying to overcome is your gift.
“We are like candles, but we don’t know what we’re supposed to light up until we’re put in the dark.” – Betsy Pake

 

What You Can Do

Take small steps. If you’re listening to a speaker that inspires you to change, write down something you will do after you leave that event, to keep you moving forward.
Don’t get caught in consuming so much content–reading and watching videos and taking courses to the point where you don’t take any action.
Betsy’s C.H.A.S.E. Framework: Create, Help, Attain, Start, and Examine, helps you identify where you want to be, and how to create the small steps to get there. Because it’s not good enough to talk about what you don’t want. Clarifying what you DO want–and specifically what that looks like–is what will start you on the path forward.
 
If you don’t know what you want, find something that brings you joy. Think about what made you happy as a kid. And in doing things that bring you joy, your purpose will start to unfold.
If you would like to create a new habit, add it into your routine so it will fit in with the way your routine normally goes.  To break a habit, wait a bit.  For example, when you feel the energy that says you need that snack at 9 p.m., but you have a goal to stop eating before then, wait a little longer than you usually do. Wait a few more minutes each time, to give that chemical reaction in your brain the chance to fade away.
Change one thing at a time, aka “stacking” habits. Start small, so you don’t overwhelm yourself with too many changes all at once.

Connect with My Guest

Betsy Pake , Entrepreneur, Author, Podcaster and Life Strategist

Links and Resources

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Relating Well: The True Meaning of Connection with Stephanie Michele

In This Episode…

  • Recognizing social anxiety as it relates to online communications
  • Why Stephanie thinks of her phone as an Outcome Addiction Device
  • Setting standards and expectations for texting and other communication scenarios in your relationships
  • How to handle awkward, vulnerable communication
  • How to have a “before it gets weird” conversation when someone’s behavior triggers negative emotions

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

1 in 3 Americans have social anxiety because of all the information and marketing that is coming at us every day, and becoming “addicted” to our phones, social media, etc.  Society may tell us that this is the trend, or that it’s normal, but we have to recognize when something does not feel right, and acknowledge if we have a problem with it.
Sometimes we can worry too much, have pain in our bodies, lose sleep over these things, stay on Netflix or Youtube too late, or get abnormally triggered by a text or post we read. We should not ignore these symptoms.  Be honest if you’re feeling disconnected and isolate from folks.

It’s inappropriate to text certain types of news and information, like deaths in the family, break-ups, and deep conversations– call the person instead.

Know what makes you happy and have a gratitude practice, and be able to share what you’re grateful for. If you’re uplifting and positive, others will want to be around you.

Part of the problem is too much “fast-food” relating instead of feel-good relating. Debating is not relating; relating is back-and-forth questions and sharing.
Grace is the influence of spirit working through people to strengthen them, raise them up and inspire them.
We are hard-wired for connection.

 

What You Can Do

Asking to meet with a friend and admitting your need for connection is vulnerable and could possibly lead to rejection, but it far outways the discomfort when you do connect with someone you care about.

If you’re dating, set standards for how you want to be treated and behavior you won’t tolerate, and make sure your date is aware of them up front.

If someone violates your communication standards, you get to set it straight and relay (or reiterate) your standards to them. It’s your responsibility to let them know your expectations of contact if you want better communication between you and that person.

There’s this fear of the awkwardness and vulnerability. But instead of looking at awkwardness and vulnerability as weakness, practice it, and you will become stronger and more courageous.

When in doubt, ask. Be curious. Practice curiosity by asking questions of people when you’re out and about.

For a social media scenario, when in doubt, play it out. Ask yourself how that same scenario would work in person. And if it wouldn’t go well in person, don’t do it online either.

Invite someone to have a one-on-one, in-person experience with you, like going out for coffee.

If a behavior makes you uncomfortable or bothers you, think about why, and then find a way to communicate to that person to explain that. Stephanie calls this “A before it gets weird” conversation.

Instead of asking people, “What do you do?,” ask them what they’re passionate about. You’ll have a better conversation, because many people are passionate about things that may not be the same as their current job title.

Focus on intentional experiences and state them. “Can we go bowling?” “I want to ___________ with you.” Get specific. Then reciprocate: “Is there anything you want to do with me?” Stephanie lives in a high-rise and some of her neighbors gather with her for Sunday dinners, which has been great way to get to know each other, connect, and build community.

Be willing to give yourself grace when you need it.

Connect with My Guest

Stephanie Michele, Certified Behavioral Analyst, Certified N.L.P. Practitioner, Founder of “No Text or Next”
Website
Instagram
Twitter

Links and Resources

SocialBling (Stephanie’s company)

The RELATABLE show on LA Talk Radio LIVE Tuesdays at 11 am PST show archives on YouTube or iTunes

Stephanie’s Public Shared Experience Events (PSEs)

Cultivating more gratitude

 

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Finding Your “Amazing” with Meiyoko Taylor

 

In This Episode…

 

 

2:05 You’re “amazing,” defined
3:21 The turning point where Meiyoko learned what his “amazing” truly was
5:24 What a lot of self-help/personal development books lack
6:28 Learning is a life-long thing (no one has “made it”)
9:29 Why you must have your own personal vision and mission
11:22 What to do if something in your life does not fit in your personal mission statement
12:06 The effort of crafting your mission, and the importance of regularly reviewing your mission
15:10 What a “habitude” is and how your habitude is the key to success and improving your life
20:06 Not getting caught up in emulating others
23:15 Meiyoko’s challenge for you!

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

A personal mission statement is a design for your life. When you create your vision, you want to be able to see, touch, taste and smell it as if you’ve already accomplished it. When your inspiration or motivation is not so strong, you want something that you can refer to to remind yourself what you’re working toward and where you’re headed.
The three components of a habit are triggers, behaviors and rewards.

 

 

What You Can Do

Sum up your mission in two sentences or less that defines who you are and what you want to accomplish. If anything in your life doesn’t align with your personal mission statement, get rid of it, either immediately or plan it out in detailed steps.

Periodically refer back to your mission (every month or every quarter, for example), to refresh your mind and re-focus on the goals you’ve set.

When you read self-help books, you can apply principles to your life, but be authentic. Don’t lose yourself. Be you.

Go after something you have put off, that you have been wanting to do– without the fears of failure, the time commitment you’d expect to accomplish it, or any other objections.

 

 

Connect with My Guest

Meiyoko Taylor, Entrepreneur, Author, and Master Certified Life Coach
Website
Twitter
Instagram
Facebook Page
Find Your Amazing! (Facebook Group)

Links and Resources

 

Michael Hyatt’s Life Plan

More about personal mission statements (Michal Stawicki)

 

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Learning How to Say No with Mark and Laura Tong

In This Episode…

Mark and Laura Tong return to the podcast to discuss their new book, The Life-Changing Power of No!, where they discuss healthy and respectful ways to assert your boundaries in various situations:

  • What makes it so hard to say No to people when they ask you for help? (4:55)
  • Examples of ways you can say no without being disrespectful or feeling guilty (7:57)
  • What you gain by saying No (15:22)

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

Saying no to things that don't serve you gives you self-respect and confidence. Saying yes all the time results in losing yourself, little by little.

No one ever did anything good in this world without having to say no to something. If you're going to accomplish something or do something good in your life, you're going to have to say no to something as well. A no always goes with a yes.

By saying no to things that are not going to serve you, you could say yes to opportunities and yes to having more time, yes to building and maintaining good friendships and relationships and gain peace of mind.  You lose the angst, overwhelm, frustration and regret that you've been dealing with.

 

 

What You Can Do

You can say no to someone kindly, without being disrespectful. You may say no and thus reject the request, but it doesn't mean you're rejecting that person.

First get their attention by thanking them and giving them a compliment. Keep it short and sweet, because if you do too much explaining that you would have talked yourself into doing that thing that you just said no to!
 

 

 

Connect with My Guestsmarkandlauratong

Laura and Mark Tong
Website

Links and Resources


21 Ways to Stop Regretting the Life You Didn't Have and Live The Life You Want Now – (The Tongs' previous appearance)

5 Ways To Say No Without Offending Anyone (Even If You Hate Conflict) – free download from Laura Tong

Stop Helping everyone! (A "Read-to-Me Ree" article)

"No" is a complete sentence

 

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What is YOUR Personal Mission? with Michal Stawicki

In This Episode…

 

 

  • The five most common regrets of dying people

  • How having a personal mission statement can benefit you

  • How to create your personal mission statement

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

A personal mission statement helps with the vision for your life, like a compass.  It helps you to be more focused and intentional about how you live your life. For Michal, creating his  personal mission statement helped him personally lose weight and get healthy, as well as achieving goals.
Michal had no former writing experience, but he put a sentence in his personal mission statement that said: “I am becoming a writer.” He went on to write 15 books which have sold over 25,000 copies. He didn’t know he could do it when he first wrote those words.
 

What You Can Do

 

Your mission statement must be personal, it must be from the heart. You should look at it every day.

Michal used parts of the Bible for the mission statement. You can use pictures and sounds if you want, not just words.

He also imagined his funeral and what others would say about his life.

 

 

Connect with My Guest

Michal Stawicki, Author, Coach
Website
Twitter
Quora
Coach.me

Links and Resources

 


More about personal mission statements – (Meiyoko Taylor)

 

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When It’s Not Just a Headache with Lisa Jacobson

 


In This Episode…

 

  • What a migraine is and its stigma – 2:56
  • What causes a migraine – 5:15
  • Lisa's story – 7:30
  • How to manage your migraines – 9:28
  • The importance of a support group – 14:23
  • Tracking your migraines – 15:54
  • The making of the Migraine Hat – 19:19

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on iTunes, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

 

Migraine is a neurological disease. There is a stigma that migraine is just a headache. But it's much worse… it's very debilitating.

Some of the things that trigger migraines are light, sounds, smells, certain foods, genetics, TMJ and stress. These triggers can cause an electrical storm in the brain, and can cause one to be dizzy, experience paralysis, and makes it impossible to carry on every day activities such as work and caregiving.

National Institute of Health (NIH) has very low funding for research. Only 500 doctors in the U.S. Are credentialed to treat migraine.

There is no cure, but there are ways to manage migraine disease.

Lisa created The Daily Migraine website to give migraine sufferers a voice. It's her passion project; she receives no revenue from it, but hopes to create awareness and help find a cure for migraines. All the proceeds from her invention, the Migraine Hat, go to research.
 

 

What You Can Do

 

  1. Find a really good doctor. Use the Physician Finder (mostly neurologists) on TheDailyMigraine.com.
  2. Plan for an attack. Have medicine, ice ready and practice self-care. You can keep a small freezer with ice in your bedroom, have sunglasses with you at all times, and if you grind your teeth at night (TMJ), wear a mouth guard at night.
  3. Make an "MEK" Migraine Emergency Kit: Some examples of things to put in it are meds, fan, peppermint essential oil, food, ginger candy, water, sunglasses, bandana.
  4. Avoid stress and negativity whenever possible.
  5. Join a support group, like The Daily Migraine Facebook group.
  6. Track the migraine occurrences to show your doctor.

 

 

Connect with My Guest

Lisa Jacobson, Speaker, Advocate, Inventor
Website 
Twitter
Instagram
Facebook

Links and Resources

The Migraine Hat at Lisa's website or Amazon
The Daily Migraine Facebook Support Group
The "Migraine Buddy" app
Eliminating Toxic Relationships podcasts – General and romantic relationships 

 

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