dareeallen

I Can Do That, Too: The Practice of Self-Discipline with Cornelius Simon


In This Episode…

  • Discover how to conqueror procrastination and overcome anxiety
  • Learn how to better manage distractions and interruptions
  • Gain more confidence in completing tasks and accomplishing goals

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

Self-discipline is the ability to carry out your decisions and plans in spite of hardships and inconveniences.
 
What you experience after consistent discipline and sacrifice to achieve your goal will far outweigh your feelings if you just give in to experience instant gratification.
 
There's a high that comes from achieving success and if self-discipline got you there in one area, chances are you will want to repeat that to get success in another.
 
You’re lacking self-discipline if you have ever seen someone accomplish something, then felt jealous and thought that you could do the same thing.
 
Exercising self-discipline can result in creating positive new habits, boosting your productivity, and increase your self-confidence.
 
Saying no to things now means you're saying yes to something greater later– whatever your goal is. Going to bed on time… limiting social media time… restricting certain types of foods, etc. How much is it worth to you? You can have the pain of self-discipline now, or the pain of regret later– tell me which one will last longer.

 

 

What You Can Do

   

Don't look at self-discipline as a set of restrictions you must live by. Instead, frame it in your mind as what you will gain– the end result of your discipline.
 
Use structure. Structure facilitates success when it comes to achieving goals.  
 
Condition your mind by creating routines and habits that will set you up for success.
 
Ask yourself why? What is your reason for achieving this goal? Your "why" should motivate you if you get frustrated.
 
Get a coach, mentor, or someone who will hold you accountable for following through with the things you say you want to accomplish.  If possible, choose someone with a different personality than you.
 

10 ways to develop self-discipline:

  1. Have specific goals in mind.
  2. Identify ways that you spend your time that get in the way of your goals.
  3. Do more of the things that you want to become disciplined in, to form that habit.
  4. Incorporate daily meditation into your routine.
  5. Create a list of the top 5-10 things you want to accomplish, and then schedule the tasks associated with them.
  6. Measure your behavior and progress toward your goal.
  7. Get organized. Use your notebook or app with the list from #5.
  8. Manage distractions and interruptions.
  9. Be consistent.
  10. Be persistent.
 

Connect with My Guest

Cornelius Simon, Motivational Speaker, Life Success Coach, and Corporate Trainer

Website

Facebook

Twitter

Youtube

 

Links and Resources

 

The Dream Experience Course is a mult-step course to help you turn your dreams into reality by stepping through a process of moving dreams "mental images" into a projected state of achievement.

Ask and Share!

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What I Wish I’d Known About Suicide and Grief with Kristi Hugstad

In This Episode…

  • Kristi's story (2:21)
  • Recognizing depression and mental illness (15:35)
  • Asking the question, "Are you OK?" (20:51)
  • The problems with the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, about teen suicide (23:04)
  • The stigma of crying in front of people (28:40)
  • The time it takes to grieve and the "get over it" sentiment (31:44)
  • The stages of grief myth (33:24)
  • What Kristi wishes she had known (35:19)

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

Depression is not just sadness. Depression is a prolonged feeling that lasts more than two weeks where it seems like a dark cloud is following you around and you have no desire to do things that you to do, including things you've enjoyed doing–even if things in your life are going well.
 
Depression is not a choice. Like other forms of mental illness, it results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. Risk factors include:
  • Sleeping too much, or too little (insomnia)
  • Feeling hopeless
  • Self-loathing
  • Family history of depression, suicide (including attempted suicide)
 
Crying is a healthy way to release stress. You feel better after a good cry. And it's not a sign of weakness. Often, if you hold in your emotions, sooner or later you will explode in anger. 
 
You will not "get over" a debilitating loss, especially someone who you loved.  Eventually you can discover a new normal. Instead of calling the grieving process "the stages of grief," Kristi refers to them as "common responses" to grief. These do not happen in a linear fashion; some things will repeat like a roller coaster, others may be skipped depending on your personal response.
 
Kristi wrote a Huffington Post blog where she explains that the Netflix show, 13 Reasons Why, while powerful, yet offered no hope, tools or resources to teen viewers, the main character's depression was not addressed, and the show glamourized suicide.
 

"Pain and growth can co-exist. Grief is not your enemy; grief is your teacher."

– Kristi Hugstad

 

What You Can Do

   

Pay attention to the warning signs listed above. Don't try to fix these issues on your own.  Mental illnesses must be treated by trained professional therapists and psychiatrists.
 
Do not end psychiatric medicine cold turkey; always follow the instructions of your prescribing doctor.
 
If you are grieving, understand that time does not heal all wounds. You must take action to help yourself heal.
 

Connect with My Guest

Kristi Hugstad, Speaker, Author

Website and Podcast

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram  

 
 

Links and Resources

 
R U OK? (a book for teens) 
 
13 Reasons Why Not (blog on Huffington Post)
 
 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

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The Message in the Bottle with Stephanie McAuliffe

In This Episode…

  • Breaking free of the shame and secrecy associated with living with an alcoholic. 
  • Understanding the “why” behind some of what we do
  • Finding forgiveness for ourselves and others.

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

  • The disease of alcoholism often runs in families and the effect can devastate multiple generations. When we don’t talk about what’s going on, we internalize the energy and it makes us sick. 
  • We spend the majority of our time and energy focused on the drinker and we often lose ourselves.
  • Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement.
  • Find forgiveness for others doesn't mean that we are condoning what happened and reconciling.
  • Understanding why people did what they did may help you let go of the judgment you have felt about what they did. This will help free you from that negative energy.

 

What You Can Do

   

Girls and women need to be able to talk about the issues they face. There are things we do that our mothers and grandmothers did, and we don't know why, but it's ingrained in us. So it takes a conscious effort to change.
 
Even if the other person doesn't change, we can learn how to change how we react to them.
 

Do not continue to talk about people who have done you wrong in a critical way, because it keeps you in that negative energy you lived with when you were around them.
 
Have empathy for those who are struggling with something.
 

Connect with My Guest

Stephanie McAuliffe, Author, Coach

Links and Resources

Get your free copy of Stephanie's book, The Message in the Bottle: Finding Hope and Peace Amidst the Chaos of Living with an Alcoholic.

 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

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Ease and Flow with Pascale Recher


In This Episode…

  • 4:30 Resilience defined
  • 9:30 Self-care examples
  • 14:03 Getting good support
  • 17:22 Developing more resilience

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

It's good to know what fills your tank before you need it, how to recharge and ask questions to reboot yourself.
 
There are constructive ways and destructive ways to cope with life, and sometimes the methods we use to avoid suffering just prolong the issue. When you are resilient, you can be like bamboo: it bends but doesn't break.
 

What You Can Do

The compassion that you give yourself will help you to become more resilient.

Getting to know yourself will develop more resilience.
 
Avoidance doesn't work. Sit with your pain, and feel it. Cry, yell, or sit quietly with it. Be brave enough to be by yourself and acknowledge where you are.
 
Acknowledge the things and people that give you light, and those that bring you down. Keep a list and refer to it in a journal. Have your list, or a meditation ritual, or music playlist available when you need a pick-me-up.  
 
Create self-care activities like a bubble bath.
 
Be your own friend. Engage in positive self-talk.

Connect with My Guest

Pascale Recher, Solopreneur, Hair and Makeup Artist, Podcaster
 

Links and Resources

Check out Pascale's free 5-day challenge to set-up good routines and pillars in your life and business to keep momentum when things get tough.
 

 

 

More on being your own best friend (podcast)

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The Bon-Vivant Life: Curing the Hunger for Happiness with Nathalie Botros

 


In This Episode…

  • 14:39 The definition of a "Bon-Vivant" girl
  • 15:36 Steps to implement the Bon-Vivant lifestyle
  • 21:16 How to implement the steps of the Bon-Vivant lifestyle

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

There is no one-size-fits-all diet. Your genetics and hormones play a great role in what will and won't work for you.
 
A good rule is to not eat foods that contain more than five ingredients, or that contain ingredients you can't pronounce–they're probably chemicals.
 
When you live well, you don't frustrate yourself.
 
No more waiting for "if"s to make something happen! "When I get this job/lost this weight, or ___________, then I'll be happy."  No!
 

What You Can Do

   

Keep a food journal that logs not only what you eat, but also, where you are, what time it is, why you're eating (you could be hungry, bored, with friends, etc.) and how you are feeling. This information will give you a more complete picture of your habits that you can evaluate.
 
Allow your feelings of happiness to catch up, over time, with the positive habits and actions you take day after day. It's a process– not instant.  Any lasting change requires commitment.
 
Identify the underlying problem that is causing you not to be happy.





Each day, find something good about your day.





Don't put yourself down with negative self-talk ("I'm so stupid!).
 
 

Steps to implement the Bon-Vivant lifestyle:

  1. Love and accept yourself.
  2. Keep a food journal.
  3. Clear negative energy and people from your life.
  4. Do everything with love.
  5. Socialize.

Connect with My Guest

Nathalie Botros, Certified Health Coach and Psychotherapist

Website

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram  

Links and Resources


 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

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HPV and You: Not Just a Woman’s Health Issue with Robin LaCross

In This Episode…

  • 1:16 Why it's hard for women to talk about our vaginal and reproductive health
  • 4:26 How preventing child abuse starts in the home
  • 7:58 What HPV is and why both males and females should care about it
  • 12:40 Why HPV testing for males is not promoted, and how males can test at home
  • 18:26 Background on the Gardasil vaccine and why its marketed to parents of teens
  • 21:51 How factors of treating dysplasia can put future fertility at risk
  • 24:32 Natural solutions to help your body heal itself
  • 28:25 The HPV Education Project

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

It's important to get comfortable with using the actual words for your anatomy. Each body part has a name, and there should be no shame associated with any of them. 
 
HPV is a sexually-transmitted virus that is extremely common. Sometimes it goes away on its own, but you don't know without taking a test, because HPV does not always produce symptoms that you can see. Untreated HPV can cause cancers that affects both sexes (oral, throat, penile, anal and cervical cancer).
 
Cervical dysplasia is in a way a reflection of what's going on in your body as a whole.
 
Females should specifically ask to be screened for HPV whenever they have a pap smear, to check for cervical cancer.
 

What You Can Do  

You want your child to have your values first, so that a potential abuser cannot infiltrate their thinking with messages that perpetuate secrecy. Help give children the right words for their genitals, the vocabulary to express themselves, and teach them what it means to have boundaries and proper touching. 
 
Taking care of your body (getting enough sleep, reducing stress, and eating well) will help you defeat or ward off HPV.  Not taking care of yourself, especially heightened stress, sex with a smoker or taking hormonal birth control can cause problems.
 
Test kits to screen oral, throat, penile, anal cancers are not done in the mainstream at doctor offices, but are available through Robin's website below.
 

Connect with My Guest

Robin LaCross, Holistic Health Practitioner
Website – Free Gift: 3 Strategies to Protect Yourself from HPV
 

Facebook Pages:

https://www.facebook.com/The-HPV-Education-Project

https://www.facebook.com/cervicalhealth/

 

Twitter:

https://twitter.com/FertilityDeva

https://twitter.com/HPVeduProject  

Links and Resources

www.cervixhealth.com – Free Webinar: Natural Ways To Overcome HPV And Create Cervical Health… Even If You've Just Received An Abnormal Pap Smear Result

 

www.fertilitydeva.com – Free webinar: Natural Ways to Avoid Pregnancy without Giving Up Sex or Relying on Birth Control.

 

www.raisingempowereddaughters.com – Free Gift: Mom's Quick Start Guide: Conversations About Growing Up, Sex and Staying Safe

 

Facebook Group for Moms Raising Empowered Daughters:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/raisingempowereddaughters/

 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
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  Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts. You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

 

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Can Men and Women Be Just Friends? with Pamela Naidoo

 


In This Episode…

  • Having a successful relationship while also having a best friend of the opposite sex (2:48)
  • For females, why it often seems easier to be friends with males than other females (4:02)
  • Delving into the psychology of “the friend zone” (6:58)
  • Letting someone down gently when the attraction is not mutual (10:55)
  • The right way to make friends with a guy, in general (13:34)
  • Making friends with a guy who has a girlfriend (17:56)
  • FWB: what it is, and what it is not (25:55)
  • Whether a woman can be in a FWB situation without emotions (30:13)
  • Why a woman might decide to start a FWB arrangement, and setting realistic expectations (33:06)

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

It’s your responsibility to make sure that your partner knows that you value your relationship with him or her above your relationship with your friend.
 
Don’t fool yourself into thinking its harmless if you spend more time talking to an opposite sex friend than your own partner. Emotional affairs are just as damaging as physical cheating, and can lead to it eventually.
 
A "friends with benefits” (FWB) arrangement is not a casual hookup. The presence of sex in a friendship will not move it into a committed, romantic relationship. However, women often make the assumption, or have the secret hope/expectation that it will, even if its discussed beforehand.
 
A woman’s body creates the bonding hormone oxytocin during sex a much greater rate than men, which makes it very difficult NOT to have feelings develop in a FWB situation.  It can lead to feelings of uncertainty, insecurity and rejection.  But some women are looking for pleasure, intimacy after a break-up, or just to feel desired.

 

What You Can Do

When you decide to start a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, keep it superficial in the beginning– nothing deep or emotional too soon, or you will seem needy and offputting, because men already find it uncomfortable to be vulnerable with other male friends. Keep it to group activities at first–don’t give off the wrong signals by flirting, dressing provacatively, or inviting them for “couply” activities.
 
When making friends with a man who is in a relationship, make sure you are not doing anything that would threaten his relationship.  And if YOU are in a relationship, talk with your partner about the rules and boundaries of making new friends of the opposite sex, and how to conduct yourself with opposite-sex friendships that were established before your relationship began.
 
Stay out of emails and direct messages on social media with inappropriate communication! If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t put it in the DM either.
 
If you are having romantic feelings for a friend, it’s only fair that after you have decided whether or not its a passing phase, to tell your friend how you are feeling about them.  Understand your needs and theirs.

 

Connect with My Guest

Pamela Naidoo, Platonic Friendship Coach, Speaker, Author
Website
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram

 

Links and Resources

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
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KIWD Patreon Page

 

Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts.

You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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Building Up Boys and Men of Color with Brandon Frame

In This Episode…

  • Supporting Black boys in our community
  • How women can help build men up

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

The Black Man Can, Inc. is an oasis of resources for both African American and global communities. In just 7 years the organization has gained an international following and endeavors to change and promote a positive narrative of black lives. Comprised of a network of over 200 MENtors to uplift, educate, and inspire young men of color, they have impacted 3,500 young men and counting.

Mental health is important. If you want to support your man, know that it’s ok to pray and see a therapist at the same time.

 

What You Can Do

Encourage the man in your life. Let him know that he doesn’t have to be perfect; he just has to commit to getting better, and become consistent.
Encourage the good, no matter how small. Two big things that drive men are ego and pride. Think of how you can best address a man that allows his ego and pride to operate from a place of love, and not from selfishness. 
Be sure that you are not neglecting roles in your family structure.  For example, if you’re a good mother and attentive to your children, don’t forget to be a good wife, and be attentive to your husband, too. You don’t want to neglect your partner for the sake of your children or vice versa.
Communication works when you are able to vulnerable and comfortable enough to let your partner know what you need from them.

 

Connect with My Guest

Brandon Frame, Founder and CVO at The Black Man Can Institute, Social Innovator
Website
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram

Links and Resources

Help The Black Man Can Institute reach their fundraising goal: 5,000 donations of $25, which will give 5,000 boys access to their mentoring programs.   Note: 100% of the proceeds go directly into funding their programs and initiatives.    
 


Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

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You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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What Women REALLY Need to Know About Loving Men and Raising Boys with Dr. Joe Martin

 


In This Episode…

  • Real Men Connect (2:45)
  • Dr. Joe's story and definition of a real man vs. a male (5:45)
  • Why males fail to mature and the challenges they face (12:14)
  • What it takes to be real man (18:48)
  • What women really need to know about the men they're in relationships with (26:25)
  • What single moms should do when they are raising boys (36:57)

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

When a male is born, it's only when they have the tools to succeed in life can they be called real men.
 
"No good man can become a great man without the help of a GODLY man." – Dr. Joe Martin
 
One of the biggest challenges males face is that they don't know what we're doing. They are ignorant because they don't know what they don't know!  It's assumed they should know how to love women, meet their needs, to take care of our families and lead them, but if they don't have the blueprint, then they make up things as we go along.
 
Where and from whom a man gets advice and encouragement is more important than his good looks, his income, or educational accomplishments.
 
Another issue is pride; males don't know how to ask a man for help.  Then there's apathy– when males get so frustrated that they give up and say "I don't care anymore."
 
Males also have a lack of commitment. They will start something and not finish it.
 
Males struggle with priority
 
A real man:
  • Leads his family spiritually.
  • Loves and serves others sacrificially.
  • Leaves a legacy of faith for future generations.
  • Teach other men how to do all of the above.
 
**A woman can encourage a man, but only a man can affirm another man.
 
Things women need to know about the men they love:
  • Their self-worth and identity comes from their ability to provide for you. If they can't, they will act out.
  • They need to know and believe that they can satisfy and make you happy in all areas, not just sexually. He needs to know that he's good enough for you. If he doesn't feel that he's pleasing you, he is susceptible to wandering elsewhere to someone who boosts his ego–even she is not as attractive as you.
  • They need to know that they can be vulnerable around you without seeming weak, and without you losing respect for him. A woman can a safe place for him to fall, because his pride and ego say that to another man he might seem weak to share his feelings. 
  • A man is only as strong as the stronger men he has in his life.  You can't count on a man who doesn't have accountability.  Make sure you meet the men he is accountable to, so you know who is influencing him.  If he doesn't have accountability from a strong man, don't compromise–he is not ready for you.

 

What You Can Do

   

When you're dating a man, you should ask yourself where he got his values from, and who he is listening to and learning from. Did he have a strong father or father figure in his life to mentor him? Who does he talk to when he needs advice or encouragement?  
 
Never say to a man, "Be a man," "act like a man," or man up," because that will emasculate him.
 
If you are the single mother with a son, recruit a man for your son to be his mentor from your community– it could be in your neighborhood or in your church for example.  Observe men as they are with their families, and observe how his children and wife respond to him.  Do his children respect him? Does his wife treat him with love and care? If so, he might be a candidate. He can fake success at work if he wants to, but he can't fake success with his own family.
 
Ladies, have good expectations of men. If you give him a crown, he'll act like a king.  If he sees what he can be, then he'll live up to what he should be.
 
Gentlemen, if you want to become a good man, then humble yourself and ask for help. It's not your fault if you weren't taught, but once you know better, you should do better.

Connect with My Guest

Joe Martin, Ed.D. Founder & Creator, Real Men Connect

Links and Resources

 
Are you spiritually STUCK, TIRED, or FRUSTRATED? 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

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This is Where You Belong: Finding Home Wherever You Are with Melody Warnick


In This Episode…

  • Place attachment (3:40 and 12:50)
  • There is no geographic cure (4:58)
  • Being rooted, feeling stuck, or being mobile (10:56)
  • Why Americans are less neighborly these days, and how to change that (14:45)
  • How the ‘1-Mile Solution’” can help you get connected in your community (24:30)
  • The top 3 factors that are most influential in creating place attachment (27:55)

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

People with place attachment, have friends, know their neighbors, and volunteer are happier and feel more rooted in their communities. They also tend to live longer.
 
Americans are not as neighborly as they were in decades past. Almost a third of Americans don’t know any of their neighbors by name, and yet many studies show the value of neighborhood relationships, including the fact that when you are friends with your neighbors, you’re 67 percent less likely to have a heart attack and 48 percent less likely to have a stroke. 
 
According to the Knight Soul of the Community study, the three factors that are most influential in creating place attachment are social offerings, aesthetics, and openness (friendly, welcoming and inclusive).   The higher the level of place attachment in a town, the better the town's economy.  This is how our towns can tell if we love them!

 

What You Can Do

To meet your neighbors, you don't have to bring over dessert if that's not your thing. You can just do things in the front of your home that will allow you to be seen and accessible to have interactions with them.
 
Try the ‘1-Mile Solution’” by replacing one car trip per week with a biking or walking errand instead, and you will see so many things that you normally don't observe when driving or riding in a car. It can help connect you to the area where you live or work. 

Connect with My Guest

Melody Warnick,  Author, Speaker

Website

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram  

Links and Resources

The paperback version of the book launches on the 4th of July!
 
 
Sep 28 – National Good Neighbor Day http://neighborhoodday.org/

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
  2. Tweet me @DareeAllen quoting #KickinitwithDaree
  3. Email Kickinit [at] DareeAllen [dot] com

KIWD Patreon Page

  Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts. You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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