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What I Wish I’d Known About Suicide and Grief with Kristi Hugstad

In This Episode…

  • Kristi's story (2:21)
  • Recognizing depression and mental illness (15:35)
  • Asking the question, "Are you OK?" (20:51)
  • The problems with the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, about teen suicide (23:04)
  • The stigma of crying in front of people (28:40)
  • The time it takes to grieve and the "get over it" sentiment (31:44)
  • The stages of grief myth (33:24)
  • What Kristi wishes she had known (35:19)

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

Depression is not just sadness. Depression is a prolonged feeling that lasts more than two weeks where it seems like a dark cloud is following you around and you have no desire to do things that you to do, including things you've enjoyed doing–even if things in your life are going well.
 
Depression is not a choice. Like other forms of mental illness, it results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. Risk factors include:
  • Sleeping too much, or too little (insomnia)
  • Feeling hopeless
  • Self-loathing
  • Family history of depression, suicide (including attempted suicide)
 
Crying is a healthy way to release stress. You feel better after a good cry. And it's not a sign of weakness. Often, if you hold in your emotions, sooner or later you will explode in anger. 
 
You will not "get over" a debilitating loss, especially someone who you loved.  Eventually you can discover a new normal. Instead of calling the grieving process "the stages of grief," Kristi refers to them as "common responses" to grief. These do not happen in a linear fashion; some things will repeat like a roller coaster, others may be skipped depending on your personal response.
 
Kristi wrote a Huffington Post blog where she explains that the Netflix show, 13 Reasons Why, while powerful, yet offered no hope, tools or resources to teen viewers, the main character's depression was not addressed, and the show glamourized suicide.
 

"Pain and growth can co-exist. Grief is not your enemy; grief is your teacher."

– Kristi Hugstad

 

What You Can Do

   

Pay attention to the warning signs listed above. Don't try to fix these issues on your own.  Mental illnesses must be treated by trained professional therapists and psychiatrists.
 
Do not end psychiatric medicine cold turkey; always follow the instructions of your prescribing doctor.
 
If you are grieving, understand that time does not heal all wounds. You must take action to help yourself heal.
 

Connect with My Guest

Kristi Hugstad, Speaker, Author

Website and Podcast

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram  

 
 

Links and Resources

 
R U OK? (a book for teens) 
 
13 Reasons Why Not (blog on Huffington Post)
 
 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
  2. Tweet me @DareeAllen quoting #KickinitwithDaree
  3. Email Kickinit [at] DareeAllen [dot] com

KIWD Patreon Page

  Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts. You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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The Message in the Bottle with Stephanie McAuliffe

In This Episode…

  • Breaking free of the shame and secrecy associated with living with an alcoholic. 
  • Understanding the “why” behind some of what we do
  • Finding forgiveness for ourselves and others.

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

  • The disease of alcoholism often runs in families and the effect can devastate multiple generations. When we don’t talk about what’s going on, we internalize the energy and it makes us sick. 
  • We spend the majority of our time and energy focused on the drinker and we often lose ourselves.
  • Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement.
  • Find forgiveness for others doesn't mean that we are condoning what happened and reconciling.
  • Understanding why people did what they did may help you let go of the judgment you have felt about what they did. This will help free you from that negative energy.

 

What You Can Do

   

Girls and women need to be able to talk about the issues they face. There are things we do that our mothers and grandmothers did, and we don't know why, but it's ingrained in us. So it takes a conscious effort to change.
 
Even if the other person doesn't change, we can learn how to change how we react to them.
 

Do not continue to talk about people who have done you wrong in a critical way, because it keeps you in that negative energy you lived with when you were around them.
 
Have empathy for those who are struggling with something.
 

Connect with My Guest

Stephanie McAuliffe, Author, Coach

Links and Resources

Get your free copy of Stephanie's book, The Message in the Bottle: Finding Hope and Peace Amidst the Chaos of Living with an Alcoholic.

 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
  2. Tweet me @DareeAllen quoting #KickinitwithDaree
  3. Email Kickinit [at] DareeAllen [dot] com

KIWD Patreon Page

  Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts. You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

 

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The Bon-Vivant Life: Curing the Hunger for Happiness with Nathalie Botros

 


In This Episode…

  • 14:39 The definition of a "Bon-Vivant" girl
  • 15:36 Steps to implement the Bon-Vivant lifestyle
  • 21:16 How to implement the steps of the Bon-Vivant lifestyle

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

There is no one-size-fits-all diet. Your genetics and hormones play a great role in what will and won't work for you.
 
A good rule is to not eat foods that contain more than five ingredients, or that contain ingredients you can't pronounce–they're probably chemicals.
 
When you live well, you don't frustrate yourself.
 
No more waiting for "if"s to make something happen! "When I get this job/lost this weight, or ___________, then I'll be happy."  No!
 

What You Can Do

   

Keep a food journal that logs not only what you eat, but also, where you are, what time it is, why you're eating (you could be hungry, bored, with friends, etc.) and how you are feeling. This information will give you a more complete picture of your habits that you can evaluate.
 
Allow your feelings of happiness to catch up, over time, with the positive habits and actions you take day after day. It's a process– not instant.  Any lasting change requires commitment.
 
Identify the underlying problem that is causing you not to be happy.





Each day, find something good about your day.





Don't put yourself down with negative self-talk ("I'm so stupid!).
 
 

Steps to implement the Bon-Vivant lifestyle:

  1. Love and accept yourself.
  2. Keep a food journal.
  3. Clear negative energy and people from your life.
  4. Do everything with love.
  5. Socialize.

Connect with My Guest

Nathalie Botros, Certified Health Coach and Psychotherapist

Website

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram  

Links and Resources


 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
  2. Tweet me @DareeAllen quoting #KickinitwithDaree
  3. Email Kickinit [at] DareeAllen [dot] com

KIWD Patreon Page

  Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts. You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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What is YOUR Personal Mission? with Michal Stawicki

In This Episode…

 

 

  • The five most common regrets of dying people

  • How having a personal mission statement can benefit you

  • How to create your personal mission statement

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

A personal mission statement helps with the vision for your life, like a compass.  It helps you to be more focused and intentional about how you live your life. For Michal, creating his personal mission statement helped him personally lose weight and get healthy, as well as achieving goals.


Michal had no former writing experience, but he put a sentence in his personal mission statement that said: “I am becoming a writer.” He went on to write 15 books which have sold over 25,000 copies. He didn’t know he could do it when he first wrote those words.

What You Can Do

 

Your mission statement must be personal, it must be from the heart. You should look at it every day.

Michal used parts of the Bible for the mission statement. You can use pictures and sounds if you want, not just words.

He also imagined his funeral and what others would say about his life.

 

 

Connect with My Guest

Michal Stawicki, Author, Coach
Website
Twitter
Quora
Coach.me

Links and Resources

 


More about personal mission statements – (Meiyoko Taylor)

 

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Become an Authorpreneur

SZI Daree Allen 033I've been resisting the nudges for a few years now. Friends have been telling me:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You should be teaching this stuff."

 

"It comes so natural to you–its your gift!"

 

"With all the knowledge you have about self-publishing, you are sitting on a goldmine."

 

"I should've used you when I was doing my book."

 

"Daree, how do you write a book?"

 

Well, you asked, and now I'm listening.  I'm going to address the 5 main reasons why you may not have written the book inside your head yet.

If you're ready to build your influence, leverage your expertise, and share your story, then join me on my very first D.A.R.E.E. Authorpreneur Academy webinar as I show you how to breakthrough the 5 main barriers to completing your book:

  1. Lack of confidence. "I don't think anyone will care/read it."
  2. Lack of guidance. "I've got so much in my head but I don't know where to start," or "I don't understand the process." **
  3. Lack of time/patience. "I'm too busy," or "It takes too long."
  4. Lack of skill. "Writing is not my forte," or "I hate writing!"
  5. Lack of funds. "I don't have the money, so I'll do it myself."
 
**To get you started on #2 above, I've created a handy chart that gives you a timeline for publishing your book.
 

 

Are you ready to finish that book project you got stuck on years ago? Are you serious about becoming an author in 2016? 
Then sign up for my free checklist, and then register for the webinar!

 

Learn a Niche – “Ending the Blame Game”

Listen in on my second interview with Ralph Claxton, who read Ending the Blame Game in less than a day! In this interview, he shares his impressions of the book and gets my thoughts on:

  • Mistrust and distrust among Black men and women
  • The importance of role models andmentoring
  • Media literacy and impact of reality TV
  • Communication in marriage and relationships
  • Married single parents
  • Is it ok to date while separated?Where is the village to help raise a child?

 

The Book is Here! and Making it Personal

Keep-Calm-Celebrate-My-Book-Release-Is-Today-

Yay! Woo-hoo!

I’ve talked about it in many posts this past year, and I’m so happy to now announce that my new book is finally here! It was literally a labor of love. Over the weekend, I did interviews on The Relationship Party, Chat Atlanta and Intentional Life shows where I discussed different aspects of the book and why I wrote it.

Please consider ordering Ending the Blame Game from my website, especially if you want a signed copy and will not be at my launch party this weekend. (Use this link if you prefer to use Amazon.)

 

I’m big on self-reflection and journaling. Blaming others for your pain or your predicament takes the focus off of you. But what part do you have to play? How can you turn things around? By being more compassionate? Can you make the situation less personal? Often, the situation affecting you so deeply is really NOT ABOUT YOU.

As relationship coach Paul C. Brunson says, “Don’t fight to understand. Fight to win.” And I would add: if you must fight, remember what you are really fighting for.

2014 Book Launch: Ending the Blame Game

Daree holding her new bookSingle parenting, co-parenting and blended families are a part of life. I’m a single parent, which is unfortunately all too common these days. But not all single parents are women. What about single fathers? What do they deal with? Why have some of them never gotten married? What are their struggles in relationships, and in life? And what would it take for us as a people–in the Black community–to stop blaming each other for our problems, hurt feelings, distrust, and resentment and come together?

Ending the Blame Game: Single Black Fathers on Relationships will be released on March 25, 2014, giving some insight into those subjects and more!

I’m celebrating with a launch party on March 29 in Atlanta, Ga. Save the date and come out if you can!

Eventbrite - Ending the Blame Game Book Launch Party