relationships

What I Wish I’d Known About Suicide and Grief with Kristi Hugstad

In This Episode…

  • Kristi's story (2:21)
  • Recognizing depression and mental illness (15:35)
  • Asking the question, "Are you OK?" (20:51)
  • The problems with the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, about teen suicide (23:04)
  • The stigma of crying in front of people (28:40)
  • The time it takes to grieve and the "get over it" sentiment (31:44)
  • The stages of grief myth (33:24)
  • What Kristi wishes she had known (35:19)

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

Depression is not just sadness. Depression is a prolonged feeling that lasts more than two weeks where it seems like a dark cloud is following you around and you have no desire to do things that you to do, including things you've enjoyed doing–even if things in your life are going well.
 
Depression is not a choice. Like other forms of mental illness, it results from a chemical imbalance in the brain. Risk factors include:
  • Sleeping too much, or too little (insomnia)
  • Feeling hopeless
  • Self-loathing
  • Family history of depression, suicide (including attempted suicide)
 
Crying is a healthy way to release stress. You feel better after a good cry. And it's not a sign of weakness. Often, if you hold in your emotions, sooner or later you will explode in anger. 
 
You will not "get over" a debilitating loss, especially someone who you loved.  Eventually you can discover a new normal. Instead of calling the grieving process "the stages of grief," Kristi refers to them as "common responses" to grief. These do not happen in a linear fashion; some things will repeat like a roller coaster, others may be skipped depending on your personal response.
 
Kristi wrote a Huffington Post blog where she explains that the Netflix show, 13 Reasons Why, while powerful, yet offered no hope, tools or resources to teen viewers, the main character's depression was not addressed, and the show glamourized suicide.
 

"Pain and growth can co-exist. Grief is not your enemy; grief is your teacher."

– Kristi Hugstad

 

What You Can Do

   

Pay attention to the warning signs listed above. Don't try to fix these issues on your own.  Mental illnesses must be treated by trained professional therapists and psychiatrists.
 
Do not end psychiatric medicine cold turkey; always follow the instructions of your prescribing doctor.
 
If you are grieving, understand that time does not heal all wounds. You must take action to help yourself heal.
 

Connect with My Guest

Kristi Hugstad, Speaker, Author

Website and Podcast

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram  

 
 

Links and Resources

 
R U OK? (a book for teens) 
 
13 Reasons Why Not (blog on Huffington Post)
 
 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
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  3. Email Kickinit [at] DareeAllen [dot] com

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  Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts. You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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The Message in the Bottle with Stephanie McAuliffe

In This Episode…

  • Breaking free of the shame and secrecy associated with living with an alcoholic. 
  • Understanding the “why” behind some of what we do
  • Finding forgiveness for ourselves and others.

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

  • The disease of alcoholism often runs in families and the effect can devastate multiple generations. When we don’t talk about what’s going on, we internalize the energy and it makes us sick. 
  • We spend the majority of our time and energy focused on the drinker and we often lose ourselves.
  • Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement.
  • Find forgiveness for others doesn't mean that we are condoning what happened and reconciling.
  • Understanding why people did what they did may help you let go of the judgment you have felt about what they did. This will help free you from that negative energy.

 

What You Can Do

   

Girls and women need to be able to talk about the issues they face. There are things we do that our mothers and grandmothers did, and we don't know why, but it's ingrained in us. So it takes a conscious effort to change.
 
Even if the other person doesn't change, we can learn how to change how we react to them.
 

Do not continue to talk about people who have done you wrong in a critical way, because it keeps you in that negative energy you lived with when you were around them.
 
Have empathy for those who are struggling with something.
 

Connect with My Guest

Stephanie McAuliffe, Author, Coach

Links and Resources

Get your free copy of Stephanie's book, The Message in the Bottle: Finding Hope and Peace Amidst the Chaos of Living with an Alcoholic.

 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
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  Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts. You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

 

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HPV and You: Not Just a Woman’s Health Issue with Robin LaCross

In This Episode…

  • 1:16 Why it's hard for women to talk about our vaginal and reproductive health
  • 4:26 How preventing child abuse starts in the home
  • 7:58 What HPV is and why both males and females should care about it
  • 12:40 Why HPV testing for males is not promoted, and how males can test at home
  • 18:26 Background on the Gardasil vaccine and why its marketed to parents of teens
  • 21:51 How factors of treating dysplasia can put future fertility at risk
  • 24:32 Natural solutions to help your body heal itself
  • 28:25 The HPV Education Project

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

It's important to get comfortable with using the actual words for your anatomy. Each body part has a name, and there should be no shame associated with any of them. 
 
HPV is a sexually-transmitted virus that is extremely common. Sometimes it goes away on its own, but you don't know without taking a test, because HPV does not always produce symptoms that you can see. Untreated HPV can cause cancers that affects both sexes (oral, throat, penile, anal and cervical cancer).
 
Cervical dysplasia is in a way a reflection of what's going on in your body as a whole.
 
Females should specifically ask to be screened for HPV whenever they have a pap smear, to check for cervical cancer.
 

What You Can Do  

You want your child to have your values first, so that a potential abuser cannot infiltrate their thinking with messages that perpetuate secrecy. Help give children the right words for their genitals, the vocabulary to express themselves, and teach them what it means to have boundaries and proper touching. 
 
Taking care of your body (getting enough sleep, reducing stress, and eating well) will help you defeat or ward off HPV.  Not taking care of yourself, especially heightened stress, sex with a smoker or taking hormonal birth control can cause problems.
 
Test kits to screen oral, throat, penile, anal cancers are not done in the mainstream at doctor offices, but are available through Robin's website below.
 

Connect with My Guest

Robin LaCross, Holistic Health Practitioner
Website – Free Gift: 3 Strategies to Protect Yourself from HPV
 

Facebook Pages:

https://www.facebook.com/The-HPV-Education-Project

https://www.facebook.com/cervicalhealth/

 

Twitter:

https://twitter.com/FertilityDeva

https://twitter.com/HPVeduProject  

Links and Resources

www.cervixhealth.com – Free Webinar: Natural Ways To Overcome HPV And Create Cervical Health… Even If You've Just Received An Abnormal Pap Smear Result

 

www.fertilitydeva.com – Free webinar: Natural Ways to Avoid Pregnancy without Giving Up Sex or Relying on Birth Control.

 

www.raisingempowereddaughters.com – Free Gift: Mom's Quick Start Guide: Conversations About Growing Up, Sex and Staying Safe

 

Facebook Group for Moms Raising Empowered Daughters:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/raisingempowereddaughters/

 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
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  Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts. You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

 

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Can Men and Women Be Just Friends? with Pamela Naidoo

 


In This Episode…

  • Having a successful relationship while also having a best friend of the opposite sex (2:48)
  • For females, why it often seems easier to be friends with males than other females (4:02)
  • Delving into the psychology of “the friend zone” (6:58)
  • Letting someone down gently when the attraction is not mutual (10:55)
  • The right way to make friends with a guy, in general (13:34)
  • Making friends with a guy who has a girlfriend (17:56)
  • FWB: what it is, and what it is not (25:55)
  • Whether a woman can be in a FWB situation without emotions (30:13)
  • Why a woman might decide to start a FWB arrangement, and setting realistic expectations (33:06)

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

It’s your responsibility to make sure that your partner knows that you value your relationship with him or her above your relationship with your friend.
 
Don’t fool yourself into thinking its harmless if you spend more time talking to an opposite sex friend than your own partner. Emotional affairs are just as damaging as physical cheating, and can lead to it eventually.
 
A "friends with benefits” (FWB) arrangement is not a casual hookup. The presence of sex in a friendship will not move it into a committed, romantic relationship. However, women often make the assumption, or have the secret hope/expectation that it will, even if its discussed beforehand.
 
A woman’s body creates the bonding hormone oxytocin during sex a much greater rate than men, which makes it very difficult NOT to have feelings develop in a FWB situation.  It can lead to feelings of uncertainty, insecurity and rejection.  But some women are looking for pleasure, intimacy after a break-up, or just to feel desired.

 

What You Can Do

When you decide to start a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, keep it superficial in the beginning– nothing deep or emotional too soon, or you will seem needy and offputting, because men already find it uncomfortable to be vulnerable with other male friends. Keep it to group activities at first–don’t give off the wrong signals by flirting, dressing provacatively, or inviting them for “couply” activities.
 
When making friends with a man who is in a relationship, make sure you are not doing anything that would threaten his relationship.  And if YOU are in a relationship, talk with your partner about the rules and boundaries of making new friends of the opposite sex, and how to conduct yourself with opposite-sex friendships that were established before your relationship began.
 
Stay out of emails and direct messages on social media with inappropriate communication! If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t put it in the DM either.
 
If you are having romantic feelings for a friend, it’s only fair that after you have decided whether or not its a passing phase, to tell your friend how you are feeling about them.  Understand your needs and theirs.

 

Connect with My Guest

Pamela Naidoo, Platonic Friendship Coach, Speaker, Author
Website
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram

 

Links and Resources

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

  1. Comment on the show notes (below this post)
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Clicking on the graphic above will take you to my Patreon page, where you can commit to be a sponsor of this show in varying amounts.

You can opt to donate one-time production credits to support this podcast using the link below. These one-time credits do not expire, and are an optimal way to support the post production of podcasts you enjoy… like mine! – Donate for Podcast Production Credits

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What Women REALLY Need to Know About Loving Men and Raising Boys with Dr. Joe Martin

 


In This Episode…

  • Real Men Connect (2:45)
  • Dr. Joe's story and definition of a real man vs. a male (5:45)
  • Why males fail to mature and the challenges they face (12:14)
  • What it takes to be real man (18:48)
  • What women really need to know about the men they're in relationships with (26:25)
  • What single moms should do when they are raising boys (36:57)

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

   

When a male is born, it's only when they have the tools to succeed in life can they be called real men.
 
"No good man can become a great man without the help of a GODLY man." – Dr. Joe Martin
 
One of the biggest challenges males face is that they don't know what we're doing. They are ignorant because they don't know what they don't know!  It's assumed they should know how to love women, meet their needs, to take care of our families and lead them, but if they don't have the blueprint, then they make up things as we go along.
 
Where and from whom a man gets advice and encouragement is more important than his good looks, his income, or educational accomplishments.
 
Another issue is pride; males don't know how to ask a man for help.  Then there's apathy– when males get so frustrated that they give up and say "I don't care anymore."
 
Males also have a lack of commitment. They will start something and not finish it.
 
Males struggle with priority
 
A real man:
  • Leads his family spiritually.
  • Loves and serves others sacrificially.
  • Leaves a legacy of faith for future generations.
  • Teach other men how to do all of the above.
 
**A woman can encourage a man, but only a man can affirm another man.
 
Things women need to know about the men they love:
  • Their self-worth and identity comes from their ability to provide for you. If they can't, they will act out.
  • They need to know and believe that they can satisfy and make you happy in all areas, not just sexually. He needs to know that he's good enough for you. If he doesn't feel that he's pleasing you, he is susceptible to wandering elsewhere to someone who boosts his ego–even she is not as attractive as you.
  • They need to know that they can be vulnerable around you without seeming weak, and without you losing respect for him. A woman can a safe place for him to fall, because his pride and ego say that to another man he might seem weak to share his feelings. 
  • A man is only as strong as the stronger men he has in his life.  You can't count on a man who doesn't have accountability.  Make sure you meet the men he is accountable to, so you know who is influencing him.  If he doesn't have accountability from a strong man, don't compromise–he is not ready for you.

 

What You Can Do

   

When you're dating a man, you should ask yourself where he got his values from, and who he is listening to and learning from. Did he have a strong father or father figure in his life to mentor him? Who does he talk to when he needs advice or encouragement?  
 
Never say to a man, "Be a man," "act like a man," or man up," because that will emasculate him.
 
If you are the single mother with a son, recruit a man for your son to be his mentor from your community– it could be in your neighborhood or in your church for example.  Observe men as they are with their families, and observe how his children and wife respond to him.  Do his children respect him? Does his wife treat him with love and care? If so, he might be a candidate. He can fake success at work if he wants to, but he can't fake success with his own family.
 
Ladies, have good expectations of men. If you give him a crown, he'll act like a king.  If he sees what he can be, then he'll live up to what he should be.
 
Gentlemen, if you want to become a good man, then humble yourself and ask for help. It's not your fault if you weren't taught, but once you know better, you should do better.

Connect with My Guest

Joe Martin, Ed.D. Founder & Creator, Real Men Connect

Links and Resources

 
Are you spiritually STUCK, TIRED, or FRUSTRATED? 

Ask and Share!

Ask questions and share your feedback:

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Relating Well: The True Meaning of Connection with Stephanie Michele

In This Episode…

  • Recognizing social anxiety as it relates to online communications
  • Why Stephanie thinks of her phone as an Outcome Addiction Device
  • Setting standards and expectations for texting and other communication scenarios in your relationships
  • How to handle awkward, vulnerable communication
  • How to have a “before it gets weird” conversation when someone’s behavior triggers negative emotions

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

1 in 3 Americans have social anxiety because of all the information and marketing that is coming at us every day, and becoming “addicted” to our phones, social media, etc.  Society may tell us that this is the trend, or that it’s normal, but we have to recognize when something does not feel right, and acknowledge if we have a problem with it.


Sometimes we can worry too much, have pain in our bodies, lose sleep over these things, stay on Netflix or Youtube too late, or get abnormally triggered by a text or post we read. We should not ignore these symptoms.  Be honest if you’re feeling disconnected and isolate from folks.

It’s inappropriate to text certain types of news and information, like deaths in the family, break-ups, and deep conversations– call the person instead.

Know what makes you happy and have a gratitude practice, and be able to share what you’re grateful for. If you’re uplifting and positive, others will want to be around you.

Part of the problem is too much “fast-food” relating instead of feel-good relating. Debating is not relating; relating is back-and-forth questions and sharing.


Grace is the influence of spirit working through people to strengthen them, raise them up and inspire them.


We are hard-wired for connection.

 

What You Can Do

Asking to meet with a friend and admitting your need for connection is vulnerable and could possibly lead to rejection, but it far outways the discomfort when you do connect with someone you care about.

If you’re dating, set standards for how you want to be treated and behavior you won’t tolerate, and make sure your date is aware of them up front.

If someone violates your communication standards, you get to set it straight and relay (or reiterate) your standards to them. It’s your responsibility to let them know your expectations of contact if you want better communication between you and that person.

There’s this fear of the awkwardness and vulnerability. But instead of looking at awkwardness and vulnerability as weakness, practice it, and you will become stronger and more courageous.

When in doubt, ask. Be curious. Practice curiosity by asking questions of people when you’re out and about.

For a social media scenario, when in doubt, play it out. Ask yourself how that same scenario would work in person. And if it wouldn’t go well in person, don’t do it online either.

Invite someone to have a one-on-one, in-person experience with you, like going out for coffee.

If a behavior makes you uncomfortable or bothers you, think about why, and then find a way to communicate to that person to explain that. Stephanie calls this “A before it gets weird” conversation.

Instead of asking people, “What do you do?,” ask them what they’re passionate about. You’ll have a better conversation, because many people are passionate about things that may not be the same as their current job title.

Focus on intentional experiences and state them. “Can we go bowling?” “I want to ___________ with you.” Get specific. Then reciprocate: “Is there anything you want to do with me?” Stephanie lives in a high-rise and some of her neighbors gather with her for Sunday dinners, which has been great way to get to know each other, connect, and build community.

Be willing to give yourself grace when you need it.

Connect with My Guest

Stephanie Michele, Certified Behavioral Analyst, Certified N.L.P. Practitioner, Founder of “No Text or Next”
Website
Instagram
Twitter

Links and Resources

SocialBling (Stephanie’s company)

The RELATABLE show on LA Talk Radio LIVE Tuesdays at 11 am PST show archives on YouTube or iTunes

Stephanie’s Public Shared Experience Events (PSEs)

Cultivating more gratitude

 

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Explore More with Dawn Serra

In This Episode…

Dawn Serra from the Sex Gets Real podcast discusses the ways that communication and introspective questions can help us find out explore more about what is pleasing to us, and how to get permission to explore more pleasure from our bodies, and how to ask our partners to explore more with us.

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on iTunes, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

One of the ways that we hide our shame about sex is by performing—doing things we think are expected of us to do in certain ways. There’s a huge disconnect between what people are constantly being told sex is [from culture, media and society] and their actual experience.

Sometimes it’s hard to ask for what you want because it may hurt your partner’s ego. There’s a big tendency to avoid feeling awkward about it all, so we may shut down, ignore our own feelings of disappointment, or pretend it doesn’t matter as much as it does.

Watching movies and porn is for entertainment, not education.

Instead of asking ourselves what we want and what brings us pleasure, we are more often forced to do things that others say are “the way” to find pleasure.

All emotions are valid.

Some view learning technique as a way to try to avoid awkward conversations.

My body, my pleasure, my experiences—I’m not apologizing.” – Dawn Serra

 

Our body goes through changes as adults too—not just during adolescence. We can experiences differences in arousal, for example. Body changes should be viewed with disgust; claim your personal power. Feeling liberated is like nothing else. You don’t have to apologize.

What You Can Do

Beautiful things can happen when we take risks and start to open up, even in the face of feeling possible shame and rejection. Nobody wants to be the one to “go first;” we need “permission” to ask for what we want and need when it comes to our sexual desires.

Being vulnerable with your partner is how you get to the deepest levels of intimacy.

Start with yourself. What do you want more of?

Things to ask yourself (and your partner):

  • What parts of your body to you like to be touched?

  • What does pleasure look like for you?

 

Connect with My Guest

Dawn Serra, Speaker, Coach, Podcast Host

Website
Twitter
Facebook
Instagram

Links and Resources

Sex Gets Real podcast

Explore More Summit – Free, 10-day annual summit begins March 8, 2017!

Facebook group

 

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Cultivating Lasting Love Through the Hard Times with Britany Felix

In This Episode…

  • When your friend has feelings for the one you’re in love with

  • Dealing with a long-distance relationship

  • Communicating with your partner during financial hardships

  • Getting along with each other despite opposite personality types

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on iTunes, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don’t forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Point

A sacrifice is when you are giving something up for nothing in return. A compromise gives you and the other person something without completely sacrificing for the other person.

What You Can Do

Together you and your partner have to find ways to compromise that allow you both to feel fulfilled and content in your relationship.

When you are in a long-distance relationship or separated from your spouse for a long period, the most important things you can do is have mutual trust, and commit to connect with each other daily (via phone, Facetime, Skype, etc.), even if you’re tired or in different time zones. Make sure you’re present in each other’s lives even though you can’t physically be there.

If you are considering a job or career change, or anything that will affect your family’s income or lifestyle, talk to your spouse before you make a final decision. Communicate with each other don’t be selfish—consider their needs too.

 

 

Connect with My Guest

Britany Felix, Host of the Living Unconventionally podcast (pictured at right with her husband, Bryan)
Website
Facebook
Living Unconventionally Community
Instagram
Twitter

 

Links and Resources

Purse-nality Disorder – how to deal with your spending/saving habits

 

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You ARE Worthy: Putting in the Work as a Love Athlete with Daniel Packard

 

Ways to Listen to this Episode:

  1. Use the player above to listen/download the episode from this page
  2. Listen on iTunes, iHeartRadio, Google Play Music or Stitcher Radio (don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!)

 

Key Points

As an athlete, you know that if you put the work in, something better will happen.  That applies to love too. You can have more love if you want it, and are willing to work on yourself.


The pain of loneliness you feel is a lack of self-love, and it should drive you to seek healing. So don't shove your pain or sadness away by self-medicating with cynical/defeatist attitudes, a new "situationship," shopping, drugs, meaningless sex or alcohol. Listen to that pain. What is it trying to teach you?


It makes no sense to envy couples that you see in public, because you don't know the real underpinnings of their relationship. It may look like it's all love on the outside, but there could be toxic elements, codependency… you just can't tell but looking at them together out in the park or at the mall.

Sometimes the issue is not that you don't want to wait for the right person to come along, but that another person sees YOU as not worth the wait.


Worthiness is a spin-off of feeling that you are not enough.
 


"When you;re a queen, when you;re amazing, you don't have to talk about it, tell people or wear a t-shirt saying so.
You just ARE… and you let OTHERS say so."
– Daniel Packard


Your sense of worthiness makes you attract what you think deserve. So do you attract mates that fulfill you, or mates that make you struggle to get love?


If you ask yourself why you;re struggling in your relationships, or thinking your requests/concerns to your partner are a burden or a bother, it could be an effect of your lack of feeling worthy of being treated with love and respect. You are worthy of being listened to and having your needs met in a relationship.


People respond to "Do you think you could maybe…" differently than the more assertive, "I need to tell you what my needs are."  When you feel worthy, you don't beg for attention or affection. You tell (in an assertive manner, not bossy).

 

What You Can Do

Don't become jaded to the point where you don't think you need to be with anyone, ever.  If you;re taking time between relationships to heal, that's good, but don't AVOID or reject the possibility of a relationship because of fear due to past hurts. There's a difference between saying "I don't want a relationship" and "I don't want another relationship like the one I just had."


You may think you believe you are worthy of love, but here are two ways to be sure:

  1. Look at the type of mates you;re attracting… how do they treat you? Do they respect you?
  2. Do you believe you are good enough and deserve the best love possible, a 10 (on a scale of 10), or do you feel more like a 7 or less?

 

Connect with My Guest

Daniel Packard, Trainer of Love Athletes, Speaker, Author
Website
Twitter 

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Who Will You Be? with Olivia Charlet

In This Episode…

Who would you be if you had no doubts holding you back? Discover how to challenge your negative thoughts and build each day for success in this podcast episode with Coach Olivia Charlet. Learn how to tap into the version of you with insane levels of conviction who can do ANYTHING.

 

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Key Points

Our beliefs impact our thoughts, which lead to our words and then our actions.

The words we speak are powerful. Your words reinforce your beliefs, whether you speak words of encouragement or words of discouragement.

It’s hard to be what you can’t see.

How would you be different if you had ___________ that you’ve been wanting? Would you be more confident? Excited? Relaxed? Freer? What would you believe about life? About yourself?

 

What You Can Do

Look at the people around you and think about where they will be five years from now. If that’s not what you want for yourself, you need to shift your friends, mentors and associates and find new people that will bring success, who have similar goals and values into your life.

Challenge your thoughts! It doesn’t matter what people say you’re not good at. Sometimes it helps to look for the root of your limiting beliefs and negative thoughts about yourself. Who used to say that to you? Why? What evidence do you have that it’s true, or that it’s NOT true? Where’s the proof? And then challenge that belief as an opinion and not a fact.

You don’t have to meditate on every thought that comes into your head. You can reject your thoughts instead of wallowing in them. Don’t settle for the idea of “this is just the way it is.”

Train your mind to think positive thoughts on a regular basis. Practice saying the opposite of what you usually say when you are frustrated or tempted to complain.

Let people help you with bad habits that you don’t notice. Give them permission to “check” you when you berate yourself out loud, e.g. “Oh I’m so stupid.”

It can be hard to keep track of your thoughts because we think so much more, and so much faster than we talk. Journaling is a way to record your thoughts and feelings so you can explore and change your limiting beliefs. Writing down your thoughts helps you process them.

Try this for 30 days. Ask yourself:
1.    What do I want?
2.    Who would I be if I have what I want? (Get specific with details and how it feels to have what you want.)
3.    What would I believe about love, relationships, the world, myself?
4.    If I chose to believe this is true [that you have what you wanted], what action would I take to accelerate those results?

 

Connect with My Guest

Olivia Charlet, Coach, Speaker, Author

Website – Olivia Charlet International

Facebook

Resources

Olivia’s Master Class (see website link above)

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