Purse-nality Disorder with “Madam Money” Tarra Jackson
In This Episode…
- Committing “financial fornication”
- Understanding and recognizing the financial love languages in yourself and your partner
- Reframing your mindset and attitude about money
- Another way to look at the financial successes you see online (avoiding comparison)
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We often buy the most when we feel the least.
Some people are way more eager to talk about their love lives than their finances. But some people are financially promiscuous with their credit, having “one- night stands” with credit which leads to STDs (substantially tremendous debt).
Many people grow up not talking about money because it is painful to think about what we lack. But working with money is supposed to be fun. If people don’t think money is fun, it’s because they don’t understand the rules of the game and how to play it. It’s not wise to play Checkers with money when most financial institutions are playing Chess. You’ve got to understand the rules and the strategy. You must have a strategy but you can still make it fun. Going to the gym is painful but it can also be fun because you know the results you will get if you remain consistent with your workouts.
Being broke (a negative financial state) and feeling broken (a negative emotional state) are closely related. In both cases, we want to stop the pain of feeling broken or being broke, so we do certain things (unhealthy behaviors) to dull the pain even though we know the effects are temporary. For example, if you are sad after you break up with someone, you may want to avoid the pain or dull it by getting with someone new relationship. If you are sad about being broke, you may want to spend and put new charges on your card, which only increases your debt and puts you further in the hole of being broke. These behaviors are contradictory to what you ultimately want to achieve (not being in the pain of brokenness). So don’t ignore the signs—what you should do is avoid the behaviors that lead to brokenness, fix the break, and begin to heal. Repeating the same negative behaviors habitually will not help you make progress.
We tend to stick with habits and routines even if they do not lead to the outcomes we say we desire.
Most people rebel when they feel deprived or think that they will be deprived of what they want. This is why a lot of people fail when it comes to maintaining a diet or a budget. Reframe it as an eating plan or a spending plan, respectively, where you are reducing but not eliminating the “fatty” areas that keep you from progressing toward your goal. If you don’t plan and tell your money where to go, it will dictate to you what to do with it. Our money will then control you and tell you what you can’t do. A budget is not a bad thing—it empowers us. When you are constantly spending, you are funding someone else’s dreams, businesses, vacations and retirements:
“I had to realize that I was a financial fornicator. When I realized that my spending was giving somebody else what I wanted for myself, I had to shift a little bit. So now I save so I can have what I want FIRST, and THEN I spend on things I need and want later.” – Tarra “Madam Money” Jackson
There are different financial love languages: saver, spender, giver, and investor. If you won $1M, what is the first thing you would do with it? Your first initial response tells you which financial love language you have. This is especially important to consider when you are working with someone on money matters such as a business partner or a significant other, because when too people who are close speak different financial love languages, it can create conflict. Within these financial love languages is are additional levels such as narcissistic and insecure forms of the four basic levels mentioned above.
If someone is trying to control someone else with money, they don’t want to face their own reality or what their money issues are.
It’s easy to get caught up on social media looking at other people’s results and comparing them to your goals, but you don’t know what painful situations they had to go through to get the results and success that they enjoy now. Don’t become jealous about other people’s successes because you have to do what they did to achieve that success.
What You Can Do
Instead of thinking about what you “can’t” do and what restrictions you have, use that thing as an occasional treat and focus on your end goal. Re-train your mind and behavior to create a “new normal.”
Think about your triggers. Is your spending behavior an emotional response to a particular scenario? What kinds of things do you tend to overspend on? Self-awareness goes a long way to identifying behaviors and your current “normal” spending habits.
The world’s way is to “ball out ‘til you fall out,” spending 110% or more of your income and live paycheck to paycheck, instead of using cash (which means we are buying things we can actually afford). Having a river with multiple streams of income is what Tarra calls the “abundant budget,” and it counteracts the multiple streams of bills you have. You have to give, which activates the law of prosperity. You can’t receive with a closed fist. You have to save to plan for your future (near future such as a vacation, or retirement, or anything in between). You have to pay your bills. If anything is left over, that’s your money to play with. No play money available? Then adjust your bills. Maintain your giving and saving plans—don’t use that money for anything else.
Figure out and understand which your financial love language you speak, as well as that of your partner. When you do, you can learn how to communicate most effectively to minimize conflict. If you tell someone they can’t save, spend, invest or give (whichever one is their love language), causes them to want to rebel. Tarra gives key examples of verbiage to use with your partner instead.
Managing money is less about the money itself, and more about mindset and behavior. You have to put in the effort to make the change. You can make spending plans and other plans but if you don’t execute, it’s just a waste.
You can’t get to the prosperity without the pain. Saving money can be a sacrifice. Abstaining from certain foods is difficult if it’s what you crave. You may feel like you’re missing out. But you can make some things fun, too. Step out of your comfort zone and create a “new normal.” You will expand your territory.
Visualize what you want for your life. If your goal is a new home, find a picture of a beautiful home—your dream home—and put it somewhere that you can see it every day as a reminder. Then do the work it takes to get there—step by step, day by day.
Before you pray to become a millionaire, make sure you can handle your “hundred-aire” or your “thousand-aire” status. Manage your finances well where you are now, and that will open the door for more. It’s not about how much money you make, it’s about how much you spend. Make the decision to do something different that will improve your life and your financial situation, regardless of your current income. For your complimentary Financial Needs Analysis, email Tarra with “Kickin’ it with Daree” in the subject line.
Connect with My Guest
Tarra Jackson, aka Madam Money Economic Empowerment Speaker, Blogger, Author, and Consumer Advocate
Links and Resources
Financial Fornication by Tarra Jackson
The Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey