You’re Wrong at the Top of Your Voice

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IMG_1761 2In This Episode…

  • How to diffuse heated arguments
  • Proper communication that won’t alienate your significant other during a conflict
  • How to T.H.I.N.K. before you speak and avoid “trigger” words
  • Avoiding the “Win or Lose” mentality and mind-shifting your perspective on the issues

Key Points

Sometimes we are more focused on getting our point across to be understood by the other person instead of how we can be more understanding of that person.

When you speak to your significant other in a mature way, thinking before you speak, you are protecting your relationship. You can’t take back your words.

Don’t use trigger words against your significant other (“you always,” “you never” and any other phrases they find personally offensive). It will be hard for them to forget if you continually use trigger words against them.

It is possible that the person who offended you, did so unintentionally. If you can explain how their actions hurt you, growth can take place. A constructive argument helps you learn more about each other (and yourself), and can make your relationship stronger.

It’s not about winning or losing the argument. You’re both on the same team.

Happily ever after is not a destination. It’s a journey.

 

What You Can Do

T.H.I.N.K. before you speak. Consider whether the words you are about to say are:

  • Thoughtful
  • Helpful
  • Inspiring
  • Necessary
  • Kind

Decide what you want to get out of this. What do you want to happen as a result of this conflict? How can the conflict be resolved? Talk about the problem, but focus on the solution.

Life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). Be careful not to be so harsh in the heat of the argument that you emasculate your man.

In some situations, if you are feeling like you are “HALT,” you need to take a break and revisit the issue when you have calmed down–this does not mean you are running from the problem at hand. HALT means:

  • Hungry
  • Angry
  • Lonely
  • Tired

 

Whatever issue you are having, focus on just that issue without bringing in old hurts. Keep the main thing, the main thing. Don’t change the subject and confuse the issue. Focus on resolution.

Saying, “You’re right, you win” is a cop out. Get clear on what you want the other person to understand about you or do for you, and consider what that person wants you to understand about them or do for them.

Use “I” statements to convey how you feel without antagonizing the other person or making them defensive. Be solution-oriented.

Learn how to tame your tongue. You may feel like saying something that you really should not say (or at least not say it at the exact moment it comes to mind).

Look for the opportunity to grow and learn from the situation.

Learn your partner’s love language, and affirm them.

Don’t make a battle into a war. Look at yourself and see whether or not there is something within you that has to change and not (just) the other person.

Dont make a BATTLE into a WAR

Connect with My Guest

Lakia “LB” Brandenburg, The WifeStyle Coach, Author

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Links and Resources

Note: This section contains affiliate links. Using these links helps offset costs incurred to produce this show. Thank you for supporting Kickin’ It with Daree!

Books

The Tiara by Lakia Brandenburg

He’s Not Perfect. I’m Not Perfect. But Together We’re… Picture Perfect by Lakia Brandenburg

Ending the Blame Game by Daree Allen

The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

Articles

8 Things to Remember When Your Relationship Gets Rough by Angel Chernoff
Who’s Wrong, Who’s Right, and Does It Matter? by Daree Allen

Daree and Lakia also made a few references to singer and talk show host Tamar Braxton, who stars on the WETV show, Braxton Family Values.